my boyfriend got into nyu

and i couldnt be freaking happier for him.




then why did i immediately start bawling after i got off the phone with him?

this is wonderful as loving goes

and being with you here makes me sane,
i fear i'll go crazy if you leave my side

i was sittin, waitin, wishin

you believed in superstition, then maybe you'd see the signs
today was prime evidence of my masochistic tendencies.
how the freak did i get absolutely nothing done from 11 until 8.
theres too much going on in my head.
i want to sleep.
im so close to having an amazing life,
why do i effing screw it up for myself
):
ugh. this is my first year not doing something for lent.
i feel so guilty,
and then i feel even guiltier that i havent done anything to change that.
ughadfjlsd;jdfjghgdaf
its hard
balancing life.
i used to be depressed and struggling in school.
now i am happy and freaking drowning in school.
not good.
ive decided love will be much easier in the summer.

god. summer.
can you freaking hurry yo butt up.
and then last forever?
kthanksbai.

bahhhhhhhhhhh

i have been given such a privileged life and i dont appreciate it all.
i have never once had to suffer a major hardship.
and i am thankful.
but i wish i could take the burden off of some of the people i love who have been and are going through so much.
i just dont know what to do,
i feel so insensitive and bitchy when they come to me with their problems.
obviously i want to do everything i can to help.
but sometimes i dont think i cant do enough
and i hate that.
i hate feeling hopeless
i want everyone i love to know how much i love them through my actions, and to know that they can talk to me about ANYTHING you know?

stopping and thinking about how much some of my friends have been through, and how much harder they have had to work to get even further than me, makes me feel like a spoiled douche.

yet i constantly complain about my life,
why hasnt someone slapped me!?
my life is only hellish because i make it that way.

wow. isuck.