broken she, has her arms twisted. pointing at me.

going

to

explode

again.

!!!!!!!!!

i already went for a drive today too.

i got up to 60 on wolftrail.

and was swerving.

accidentally T_T

i was trying to look at the lights while going on a curved road. didnt work so well.

anyways

everything is building up again.

i feel like a time bomb

each breath i take i can hear the ticking get faster.

i need.

me time.

reallllly badly.

and thats not going to happen anytime soon.

as excited as i am for the next couple days

i almost would rather

do nothing

watch tv

reread a good book

cuddle up in my green chair on my balcony

recline the chairs in the maxima and stare at the mediocre irvine stars

and think.

i desperately need to do the latter.

in the complete chaos that was my life the last few weeks

i have completely lost myself.

i dont know whats going on with everyone around me let alone myself.

things are changing and i cant keep up.

im tired of being confused all the time.

oh simplicity.

ive forgotten what you mean.

i keep thinking next semester is going to be better.

then i remember

unfortunatly unlike all my friends

im not a senior.

im going into second semester of junior year.

can someone just shoot me now?

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(@#*$&)@&%$^*@$@)(#*$*)(#*()#$_

there are not enough expletives in the world for how i feel right now.

why life?

why?

why do you do this to me?

i give up.

surrender.

youwin.

my feet are terribly cold

sigh.

Originally uploaded by kellyhavens

i want to drive so badlyyyyy right now

adfgdfsdfjsdl;kfjsd

im so sick

of everything

EVERYTHING

i dont even know what did it, but somehow i got pushed into one of my funks again

and every little thing that happens/someone says to me just makes it worse

highschool is supposed to be fun carefree time

why is my life never like that

im so sick of caring

of thinking

of overanalyzing

and ketting my hopes up

and getting them shot back down

i'm DONE

except i know im not really ):

and thats what pisses me off even more

im a freaking masochist.

lksdjffffffffffffffffffff

i need to go sprint around in the dark.

or maybe take sme for a spin on wolf trail.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHASDAKSJDHASKD

there's something bout the way

the street looks when its just rained ♥

last night.

best solo run ever (:

honestly

it was one of those days where i felt like i could run forever if i wanted to.

my legs just kept going and going on their own.

plus the weather was perfect

it had just stopped raining, so the trail was still covered with a layer of wet (:

sparkling in the last rays of the descending sun.

oh lawl this is starting to sound like my sat report :P

but reallllly.

it was gorgeous.

i felt like i was running into the storm.

each step i took the faster the clouds approached and the darker i got.

and the trail was deserted.

so it was just me.

and my footprints formed in the saturated trail.

and the one old creepy old guy i saw walking backwards. T_T

aaaaanyways.

it was an unirvinian experience in a way.

the air still smelled like rain.

yet had a delicious smell too.

like a barbeque

but i dont really know who barbecues in the rain?

whoever does

i love.

but ahhhh

just the feel of the air

and the energy in the sky

honestly.

love♥

if it hadnt been for my mom who would be freaking out at home

i wouldve stayed till it was pitch black

but

hopefully im going for a midnightrun tonight :D

i want more experiences like that.

less time wasted cramped up in my little hole in the wall of a computer desk.

with cords wrapped around my feet and stacks of recycled paper and old books looming over my shoulder.

sigh. this spot equals death.

i want less time curled up with the rungs of the chair digging into my back. as my eyes bore holes in the depressing beige wall. and longingly stare out the tiny window that offers a spectacular foot by two foot view of a patch of sky and the roof of my neighbors house T_T.

sigh.

i cant wait till freedom.

♪♫ one day i'll flyyyy away, leave all this to yesterday, why live life from dream to dream? and dread the day when dreaming ends ♥

Windmill Sunrise

Windmill Sunrise
Originally uploaded by romainguy

there is nothing i love more than sky.
unless its silhouettes.

jump, then fall.

i wish i was better at blogging.

i feel like itd be a good outlet for my mindless babbling and insane emotions that spout up and drown me from time to time.

i just feel like i sound whiney or psycho when i write

and i dont know if i want the whole world reading it.

its a catch-22

not really

i just felt like saying that.

ive been meaning to read that book actually

sigh

so many books i planned on reading over then summer

i got through 2

T_T

i love

running.

and unexpected phone calls

and songs you forgot you loved.

well. euro awaits.

once upon a time

the guth family spent a dime (or two)
and sent elizabeth to harvard.
she hopped on a plane
went nearly to maine
in a direction they call starboard
she studied astronomey, darwin and freud
and met an afro boy shed rather avoid
she made many new friends
didnt want it to end
with mulder and scully she toyed.

how the hell can i remember a poem my sisters friends wrote on my driveway in chalk 6 years ago.
and not a 15 line poem in spanish

Britney Spears, horrible and weird, performed at the VMA's

blogspot hates me.
my shaking went down a few decibles.
one more article
then study euro.
and make sure my poem is memorized
and i didnt just spit out random words when i was having a caffine seizure
i want boba
someone came in the middle of math and gave a girl boba
i was going to cut her
me and daniel passed notes in math
alsdk;fjasdlfjaslkfjsldkfjlsdkfjlsdkfjsdkl